well wtf I see Queen B today and I can’t even enjoy post concert bliss because you’ve taken over my mind again.
fuck everything, I’m definitely going to throw myself a pity party because I only did give myself two weeks to get over it in the first place.
I just miss everything about you. I miss being at your house and falling asleep at 12:30 and not leaving until two hours later, with both of us groggily waking up enough to say goodnight. I miss having news to tell you and being so excited that I send multiple texts in a row only for you to make fun of me for doing so. I miss taking forever to plan when we hang out because neither of us want to decide what to do. I miss playing pool with you, especially when you would actually give me a shot at winning. I miss cooking dinner with you, and by that I mean you doing everything while I walk around the island and pretend to help. I miss you complimenting all the rompers I wore, even if you’ve seen them before. I miss looking at my phone at any time of the day and seeing your name and chain of emojis on the screen. I miss knowing what’s going on in your life. I miss having you there for support, even at 3am although I always felt guilty for keeping you up that long. I miss your confidence, although sometimes it turned into cockiness. I miss the way your eyes would light up after a show, walking out and seeing everyone you love —and even strangers— rave about how good of a performance you had. I miss feeling like a part of an actual family, since yours welcomed me with open arms. I miss listing all the things we have to accomplish together, like going on a segway tour or to a drive in movie. I miss watching you from the passenger seat as you jam to the current country song blasting on 99.5.
More importantly, I miss not wanting to roll my eyes, cringe, or cry upon seeing anything you post online. I miss not feeling pathetic, which is stupid because I’ve always believed a boy should never be able to make you feel that way. I miss my friends not having to tiptoe around your saying your name with concern of how I’ll react. I miss us all being friends in general. I miss not worrying what’ll happen the day I see you’ve moved on.
I usually don’t drunk text but tonight I have the urge to text so many people I know I would regret in the morning
im in this really weird mood where im emotional about everything —likely to have been caused by my best friends’ presents— and really motivated to go out into the world and achieve things but also i have anxiety about my future —which i guess is the norm for me at this point— and topped off with being pissed at two people who don’t deserve my time but are getting it anyway
i go back and forth from blissfully happy to crying tears of “im so lucky” to bubbling mad energy waiting to explode
maybe its time for me to sleep
I woke up actually forgetting what today is
you could be wearing a bra chilling in your own home and someone else could say “oh no why are you in just a bra why aren’t you wearing a shirt!!!” and get really annoying about it and if you calmly told them “it’s a bathing suit top” and said nothing else they would more than likely just be like “oh well that’s ok” and drop it like you think i’m joking or exaggerating but no i’ve legitimately done this